Stephen Lynch meets the World!
by Deme.P
Summary: America has invited Stephen Lynch to perform at the next world meeting. How will the countries react to Stephen's songs. Rated for suggestive themes and cursing.


A/N: I do not own Hetalia or any of the songs used in this fanfic. More info at the bottom. Enjoy! :D

"So Stephen, dude you ready to play for us?" America shouted as he smacked Stephen's back. "Sure, but who exactly is 'us'?" he asked. "I wasn't told much about who I would be playing for"

"Hahahahaha No worries dude! It'll be me, Iggy, France-y Pants, Russia and his sisters, the Italies, Spain, the Germans, the Nordics, EVERYONE!"

Stephen just stared at the blonde man in front of him, he had played for strange people before, but half of those names where the same as countries.

"Attention, The HERO! Has brought the singing comedian dude!" America shouted has they entered meeting room. "His name is Stephen Lynch and he's from my place!" Stephen just stared at America, he had never met the man before in his life and he was already saying that they were living together! What the hell type of people are they!

"Hello Everyone, as 'America' said my name is Stephen and this is my first song."

Stephen started play a fast and dark sounding beat on his guitar.

"_Ever since first man has walked this earth I have been here_"

his voice roughened and scared the Italies who hid behind their respective boyfriends. ("I'm NOT scared" the elder shouted)

"_To whisper seeds of doubt and evil thoughts into his ear_

_I am beast, the outcast angel fallen from on high_

_I go by many names but there is one you can't deny" _

His eyes shifted amongst the people before him most staring dumbstruck; America looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"_My name is Satan" _

He sang, his voice high and girly. The music changed from dark and threating to light and happy. America started laughing and so did the others just from the quickness of Stephen's transformation.

"_Hi Everybody!_

_Ahh let me tell you a little about myself_

_My friends all call me 'old scratch' and I am a Capricorn_

_My turn on's are romantic walks and killing the unborn_

_I've got little devil horns, and a little Goatee_

_Little devil eyes to help a little devil see_

_Little cloven hoofs that make it kind of hard to ski_

_I'm Satan" _

Stephen continued. By now more countries had joined in on America's uproarious laughter, Sweden's face was priceless as he laughed along with the other Nordics. Italy had stopped hiding and was desperately whispering to Germany "he doesn't really kill the unborn does he? Germany?" Germany was clearly shaking trying to hold in his laughter.

Some countries where still shocked by what Stephen was singing. Japan just stared, eyes as wide as saucers and his jaw on the floor.

"_Or Mephistopheles for some. I don't know_

_My real name is Beelzebub, but you can call me Beelz_

_I love to watch Fox news and then go club some baby seals_

_Then I'll take a bubble bath and drink a zinfandel_

_Try to wash off that baby seal smell_

_And then I'll make a toast to me_

'_Hey here's to my hell-th'_

_My name is Satan" _

In the crowd Italy was now saying "He doesn't really club baby seals does he?" Germany had given up trying to hide his laughter, Japan was even more frightened of the man than before. Spain had found it hilarious and was laughing along with Prussia and France. England just stared at Stephen and America, trying to find out what in the world his former charge listened to.

"_To carry on my evil ways I went and had a son_

_And now he makes his living as a singing comedian_

_I'm in every Zeppelin album_

_I'm in all Rush Limbaugh's rants_

_I'm the reason that the Boston Red Sox even had a chance_

_And if I want to eat your soul,_

_I'll just throw it on a griddle_

_I don't need to a make a deal_

_I don't need to tell a riddle_

_And fuck Charlie Daniels I don't care if he can fiddle _

_I'm Satan" _Stephen's playing became very country and his voice became deep

"_The Devil went down to Georgia, He was looking for a soul to steal" _ After this it changed back to light and happy.

"_That's fucking bullshit because I wouldn't be caught dead in Georgia_

_Ok it's, like, Oh My God!_

_666!" _

The second to last line sent Lithuania over the edge as he pointed at Poland, tears streaming down his face. The countries who had been laughing had stood up to applaud the man.

"Thanks guy, you ready for the next one?" Cheers erupted from the standing nations. "Okay, there are some things that I find really important, First is Friendship, I might sing about that later. But what's even more important is, Family. Yeah that's right family. I grew up with my grandfather who took ill very recently…"

America who had been to many of his shows knew what was coming and let out an over enthusiastic "Whoo!" England slapped him across the back of the head. "Well FUCK You! Who cheers at that? Thank you for cheering my grandfather's terminal illness" Stephen laughed as he began to play a slow and peaceful song.

"_When grandfather dies life will be strange_

_When grandfather dies my whole world will change_

_When grandfather dies I'll scream and I'll yell." _

Italy immediately felt sorry for the man, he remembered his own nonno he missed very much, and even though Romano would never admit it he kind of missed Rome too.

"_Because I'll be fucking rich as hell_

_So grandfather die! Don't keep my in suspense_

_So grandfather cough up that inheritance_

_So grandfather don't hold on another day_

_I love you to death but I gots bills to pay" _

Italy then hated this man 'Who would want their nonno to die? Even if they were going to get a lot of money?' Romano was laughing his ass off. Spain just stared as his pequeno tomate as he cried from how hard he was laughing. America was in the same place as Romano and the Nordics too were laughing. Greece had fallen asleep during the first song and had been leaning against Japan. He now stirred a bit and let out a small laugh.

"_A stroke would be nice_

_Disease would be cool_

_I'll scatter his ashes in my new swimming pool_

_I'll party with Hef I'll dine with the Queen_

_Now what say we unplug that machine" _

England just stared at the man, Stephen's eyes had gone wide when he said he'd dine with the Queen, he didn't know who this 'Hef' person was but there was no way this bloody wanker was getting anywhere near the Queen.

"_Now grandfather die!Before the fiscal year_

_Oh grandfather I wish Kevorkian were here_

_Oh grandfather fly Just take your final bow_

_Oh grandfather, die Family hates you anyhow_

_For God's sakes you must be as old as the sun_

_Your social security number is 1_

_You're deaf, dumb and blind, and an amputee_

_You donate your blood every time that you pee_

_Your arthritis acts up whenever it rains_

_You're so old you penis has varicose veins_

_Oh, why don't you die grandpa?_

_Why must you fight?_

_You old motherfucker just walk towards the goddamn light_

_Walk toward the light old man_

_Walk toward the light old man_

_It's all over now_

_My granddad's dead_

_A mysterious blow_

_To his wrinkled old head_

_Before I collect, a small oversight_

_But everything should work out alright_

_I'll start working on my grandma tonight"_

More cheering erupted from the nations, Italy still didn't seem to get why these songs where funny and seemed to vehemently hate the man. Romano was cheering loudest for the last song. Greece rolled over in his sleep a smile still on his face. Sweden and Finland shared a smile as they both thought how happy they were that they left Sealand at home that day. Russia was even laughing, Belarus was smiling as she clung to her dear brother's arm, and Ukraine was wiping her eyes as she calmed down.

"I think I'll do two more songs before I take my leave" Stephen said as the crowd quieted down. "I've noticed that a lot of you are great friends and it reminds me of my best friend, who was a little…special. Here is the song that I wrote about him" Stephen began to play a fast beat.

"_When I was a boy of 10, I had a very special friend_

_Ed was kind, with good intent_

_But just a little different_

_Oh, special Ed_

_his Mama mama dropped him dropped him on his head_

_Now he's not so bright instead_

_He's a little bit special_

_Just a little bit special_

_We'd play tag, and he'd get hurt_

_I'd play soldier, he'd eat dirt_

_I liked math, and the spelling bee_

_Ed liked talking to a tree_

_Oh, special Ed_

_his Mama dropped him on his head_

_Now she keeps him in the shed_

_Cause he's a little bit special_

_Just a little bit special._

_I ran track, hung out in malls_

_Ed ran headfirst into walls_

_I had girls and lots of clothes_

_Ed had names for all his toes_

_special Ed_

_Mama dropped him on his head_

_Now he thinks he's a piece of bread_

_Cause he's a little bit special_

_Just a little bit special._

_I thought college life was great,_

_Ed could count from one to two._

_I liked people and the party scene_

_Ed was scared of the vacuum cleaner._

_Oh, special Ed_

_his Mama dropped him on his head_

_Now he thinks he can drive his bed_

_Cause he's a little bit special_

_Just a little bit..._

_one day talking to special Ed_

_He grabbed a brick and he swung at my head_

_And as he laughed at me that's when I knew_

_That special Ed just made me special too._

Japan knew that it was wrong to laugh but he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle thinking that this guy deserved it

_I'm strong as Hulk, my shoes hurt!_

_Now I laugh as I count bugs_

_I give strangers great big hugs_

_Next to me Ed is fine_

_Yeah he's a fucking Einstein_

_Oh, Special Ed (and me)_

_Now we're not right in the head (you see)_

_Now we're not so bright instead_

_We're a little bit special_

_Just a little bit special_

_That fucker Ed made me special_

_Just a little bit_

_Just a little bit ... special"_

Stephen's audience was cracking up as they all heard parts that reminded them of the others around them. A smile even graced Japans face, before he shook it off because it was so inappropriate.

"This next one is more interactive. As I'm sure you've all guessed by now in addition to comedy clubs and university shows I do a lot of elementary schools." No one believed him his show so far wasn't exactly 'family friendly' they stared and Stephen looked backed shocked " I'm serious, kids fuckin eat this shit up they love it. And I usually play for little 5 and 6 year olds at their assemblies and I play for the little chitlens, yes I said chitlens, I like to be not only funny but also informative, and I think I make a pretty good role model. I like to give them advice and what I say is

'kids…kids…kids when you grow up you can be anything in the world you want to be, it's true you could be a doctor or a lawyer or an astronaut or the president of the united states of America, even a superhero. Wouldn't that be fucking' great to be a super hero. If you could be a super hero who would you be Batman, or Superman, or Spiderman or Wonder-Woman for some of you guys, I don't know or you could make up one of your own. Let's do that kids let's make some fucking superheroes!' " Stephen began playing his guitar "just let me think of one here okay

" _If I could be a superhero I would be awesome man._

_I'd fly around the world fighting crime _

_According to my awesome plan"_

"That doesn't sound like a bloody superhero you wanker!" England shouted. "That sounds like stupid America!"

"the un-awesome tea-sucker is wrong!" Prussia shouted " That does sound like a super hero! And it's not that un-awesome America! It's Me"

"That's where your wrong potato Bastard #2, he said 'Awesome' which you're not" Romano

"ahh Lovi~! That's not nice, Gil is my friend." Spain cooed

"Shut up Tomato Bastard!" and from here the meeting turned into a normal meeting with all the nations yelling at each other: America, France and England had all begun fighting, Greece slept on not noticing the change in the topic, the Nordics where still trying to calm down from the previous songs, Prussia and Spain poked at Romano as they thought of how 'Special Ed' reminded them of Romano, and Italy sat there wanting Stephen to continue his super hero song because it had been the only one that hadn't angered the sweet tempered Italian. As Stephen snuck out Germany stood as he usually would. "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! WE ARE BEING VERY RUDE TO OUR GUEST WHO HAS TAKEN TIME OF HIS SCUEDULE TO ENTERTAIN US, SO SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Germany shouted. "Germany dear" Hungary spoke up, "I'm sorry about Austria and I being late but if you guest was that young gentleman with the guitar he's already left"

A/N: My family and I just found Stephen Lynch this week and found him freaking hilarious. The songs he plays in this peace are called 'My Name Is Satan', 'Grandfather', 'Special Ed' and he begins 'Superheroes'. I'm sorry for any OOC-ness on the nation's behalf. Hope you found this entertaining.

Here are some links to Stephen Lynch's songs. Warning: all songs contain suggestive themes, cursing, and are not appropriate for young children. All are on YouTube.

Special Ed: ( watch?v=pfFRv_1XdDM)

Grandfather: (com/watch?v=lpp937YfO2Y)

My Name is Satan: ( watch?v=wLmWDtOBiYI)

Superheroes: ( watch?v=uY5VxkJ_43U&feature=endscreen&NR=1)


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